I received the following in an email from someone about ten years ago; I no longer remember who. The statements are alleged to be actual quotes from employee performance evaluations. I have been sharing them in classes I have taught on performance management as well as with client design teams working on program development - whenever the situation called for a little humor. Here's hoping that you enjoy them, too!
Works well only when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
This employee is really not so much of a "has-been", but more of a definite "won't be".
Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
He's so dense, light bends around him.
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.